21. New Chapter

21. Umur yang baru kuinjak beberapa hari yang lalu. Delapan hari yang lalu tepatnya. New chapter kataku, hal yang ingin ku wujudkan diumurku yang sudah lewat satu tahun dari kepala dua. Hal pertama yang kusadari adalah semakin bertambah umurku, semakin sedikit harapan yang ku panjatkan. Bukan apa apa, tapi beban hidup yang kurasakan juga semakin berat, aku sadar satu harapan pun mungkin sulit untuk dicapai. Bukan pesimis, hanya realistis. You know what i wished for? or how many wishes i made? Dua, ya, hanya dua. Pertama, i wished that my parents will always proud to have me as their daughter. Kedua, i wished aku bisa berguna bagi sesama ku. And that's all. No more or less. Simple? Memang terlihat sederhana. Tapi itu saja sudah cukup sulit untuk dilakukan, at least for me.

21. Bukan lagi remaja. It means, there's a lot of responsibilities i should carry. Begitu pun dengan hal-hal yang sudah mulai harus dikurangi. Wasting time for example. And that's the biggest bad habit in me. Worries, anxieties, sadness, such a wasting time. And im not mature enough to handle those things, yet. What if's are also things in me that should be terminated. Terminated, what a strong word to be used. Aku tak punya kata lain yang tepat. What if's really really annoy me. What if im not good enough for everything. What if life doesnt choose me. What if nobody will ever loves me. Such a stupid thought. Well im not smart either but i realize that those kind of thought will destroy me from the inside. The most awful monster is came from inside of me. And i have to stop that. Right now.

21. My life my responsibility. Diumur ini, aku harus bertanggung jawab untuk setiap pilihan, every desicions, every paths, everything that i choose.  Dan jujur, diumur ini i slightly think about, hmm, how im suppose to say this, well i think about love. Sometimes, i wish i have someone who is always there for me, always stand by me. Well, i have a really amazing family and few good friends of course. But in this case, im expecting a lover. A true lover, who will take me as i am. But sometimes, aku juga merasa aku belum butuh seseorang itu. Labil, ya. Librans are labile. Do you know Tory Kelly's song Dear No One? Well, that song is exactly describe me. I want to show the world how independent i am, how strong i am to face this mean world. But then even a queen needs a king. But i wasnt looking for a king, im looking for a sword yet. But maybe i'll change my mind, if i found the one. For me. 

21. New chapter. I wish i can bring into reality what i wished for. Be more mature. Be the best version of me. Be better